Farworld: Water Keep - J Scott Savage REVIEW AND GIVEAWAY!!

Ok, I know, I'm a total blog parasite, and I've won lots of lovely books from LOTS of you, and have yet given nothing back.
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And I know, every time I talk about fantasy I'm all, Bla bla bla, fantasy can do no wrong by me, and THAT may have led you to believe that I can't be objective and to not take anything I have to say regarding fantasy seriously. BUT! Just because I will eat the stale, generic-brand-original-flavor chip bag-bottom-shards (because sometimes you're just all Nom nom nom, grease-and-salt, you know?) does NOT mean that I have poor taste. It just means that I have a low quality threshold.

ALL THAT TO SAY (shit, this is going to be a long post), J Scott Savage's Water Keep (first in a series called Farworld, if I'm not totally off my head) is awesome. You want lovable protagonists? You got 'em. You want action and danger? Saddle up. You want villains named by pulling Scrabble tiles out of a bag? Thrathkin S'bae, my friends.

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So, on earth, Marcus is what they would have called in my mother's day a 'cripple,' and today, I don't know...differently abled? Kid is in a wheelchair. Also, he has powers. And then, in Farworld, Kyja is also what you would call 'differently abled,' on account of everyone can do magic except her. Poor buntling.

H'anyvays, the freaky-deaky badduns are out to get Marcus, and he ends up in Farworld with Kyja, but because he isn't from Farworld, he can only stay there so long without adverse affects. Ditto with Kyja and Earth. So they're hopping back and forth to avoid the Thrathkin S'bae *shudder* and Farworld is in danger and the kiddies need to get the help of the four Elementals in order to save the day, one book at a time, so they head out in search of (durrr) the Water Keep.

I've often wondered what I'll do when my (hypothetical) children want to read the books I'm reading, and I have to say, No, this book has swears and sex in it, and also you can't read mommy's blog because of the swears, which you aren't allowed to say. ANSWER: I will be seen to read Water Keep in their presence, and then will make a big show of deciding that they're old enough to read it.

I hate to cut my rambling short, but I've challenged J Scott Savage (could there be a better fantasy-author name?) to a game of Battleship, and he seems to have his pieces in order.

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Raych: Alright, J Scott, take ten steps forward and then turn and draw (your tiny white pegs).

J Scott Savage: Wow. So it’s to be a duel eh? I’ve got to admit, I expected you to choose a more conventional weapon. Say boomerangs or poison coated lawn darts. But Battleship is brilliant. Didn’t Bill and Ted beat Death at Battleship in one of their movies? Okay, since you picked the weapons, I stipulate that we play classic non-electronic. You go first.

R: Fair enough. Electronics are the tool of the devil anyhow. And if I remember rightly, Bill and Ted also beat Death in Cluedo, Twister, and a game of electronic football. This could turn out to be a long day. First question: who and what do you love the most right now? Also, L-10.

JSS: Hah! Miss. You really think I’d place one of my ships in a corner? A classic beginner’s trap, I’d never fall into. Good question though. I’m going to have to say, Jennifer, my wife of twenty one years and first line editor for the who. And for the what, let’s go with chocolate milkshakes and fries from Barry’s—the local greasy fast food joint—at midnight while going for a drive in the convertible. How’s that of a run-on sentence?

And now, I think I’ll think I’ll start with I-8 just to set you up for an easy joke.

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R: I ate your torpedo!! With my destroyer!!! So...hit.

Bonus points for naming the wife, you'll have to send her this link. And you best be dipping those fries into that milkshake for maximum effect.

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Who would play you in a documentary of your life? Also, A-3.

JSS: Dang! Hit. I really thought I could hide along the top row. No one ever picks A this early.

It would have to be Johnny Depp. Mostly because he could actually make even a geeky writer look cool. Also I’d like it if he could the walking rolls trick from Benny and Joon.

Okay, let’s try D-3.

R: Hit again! You are defs cheating. And I would totally go see your life-umentary if Johnny Depp played you. Or if he just wandered onscreen periodically looking dashing and slightly rumpled.

Ok, so old-you would be played by Johnny Depp. What did 7-year-old-you want to be when you grew up? A-4?

JSS: Another hit. Fine, you sunk my aircraft carrier. It’s not like it was exactly hiding. Now my patrol boat on the other hand. That sucker will never be found.

I think seven-year-old me mostly wanted to be eight. You know so I could drink, vote, pick up questionable women in strange bars. That kind of thing. I also wanted to be a race car driver, a football player, and a dentist. The race car driver was totally an effect of watching too much Speed Racer. I don’t think NASCAR was even on TV back then. The dentist was because there was one in our neighborhood who had a two lane bowling alley in his house. I mean who wouldn’t want that? I think the football player must have had something to do with the whole, drinking and picking up women thing.

H-7?

R: Hit, and you have sunk my cast-away raft. I didn't like him much anyways.

So, I've had my share of neurotic pets over the years, from a fat, blind chocolate lab to an escape-snake. Do you have any pets and what are their quirks?

P-183?

JSS: You sank my patrol boat. What are you like peeking over the board or something? You’re looking in the reflection of my glasses aren’t you?

I have a border collie who herded my youngest son into the laundry room quite a bit. I also have a rotating staff of fish that have a strange habit of floating on their backs. Go figure!

A-8?

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R: Your first miss!! I taste victory.

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Sometimes I am a real jerk to people, especially when those people write shitty books or park their cars in front of my house. When's the last time you were a real jerk to someone?

Q-Eleventy-one?

JSS: Hah! Missed me by mile! It’s because I painted all my ships blue so they would blend into the water colored plastic. Of course it might also be because I can’t see without glasses.

Well I’m sure my kids would say I was a jerk to them some time in the last, what, thirty minutes or so. But I’m actually pretty easy going. If I was a jerk to someone it was probably a driver doing sixty in the fast lane. I don’t have much patience with slow drivers. Especially if they are on their cell phones.

D-3? Wait I already did that? I take it back. What? No take backs? That’s rude.

R: Hey, not my rules. Go appeal to the playground gods.

Stephen King said that the road to hell is paved with adverbs, and I have to agree. What are your least favorite adverbs?

H-0!!!

JSS: Miss again. You’re not too good at this are you?

Pretentiously and earnestly. I used to have a real problem with superciliously, but then we realized we had a lot more in common than we thought.

Alright then D-2!

R: Hit and sunk my summer yacht. I had my good crystal on there, too.

For that, your punishment will be to write me a haiku about Water Keep.

B-4, 5, and 6.

JSS: Miss. Miss. Miss. Heh, heh, heh. Want to give up yet?

How’s this? There was a young lady from Farworld

Who—

What? That’s a limerick? Right, I knew that. I know all about haiku. In fact, did you know that the haiku were previously called hokku, it was given its current name by the Japanese writer Masaoka Shiki at the end of 19th century. No I’m not stalling for time. And I didn’t just steal that from Wikipedia.

Water, land, air, fire
Make up novels one through four
And five is about?

Poetic huh?

C-10?

R: Miss!! It's waaaaaaaaaay easier when you move your pieces around between turns, viking-style.

If you were a viking, what would your viking name be?

C-10 right back at you.

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JSS: Miss again. How can you be so bad? Oh, wait. Oops. Okay this is embarrassing. I think a couple of those misses might have been hits. In fact you put rounds into my battleship and my submarine. And you sank my destroyer. That certainly puts the game into another light.

Probably Bothvar the Blind since they didn’t have glasses back then.

G-6?

R: Hit. This is uncanny.

If you could sit down for a beer with one literary character, your own or otherwise (although most of yours are too young to drink), who would it be and what would you ask them?

Uhhhhhhh, M-16?

JSS: Hey how about that? You, uh, hit my sub again.

I’m thinking the old man from Hemmingway’s “The Old Man and the Sea.” I’d like to say, “Dude. Why did you tie that giant fish to the side of the boat, where the sharks could get it? Why didn’t you pull it in? I mean even if a few feet hung out from the front and the back, it would have kept the blood out of the water.”

He’d sip his beer and go, “Hmm. Never thought of that. I was so excited what with finally catching it.”

I’d shake my head. “Do you have any idea what you could have sold a record fish like that for? Not to mention the endorsements.”

He’d shake his head and I’d buy him a couple more beers to drown his sorrows.

A-1. Just like the steak sauce.

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R: Hit and sunk my long rectangular boat. You know the one.

Alright, it's truth time. Would you rather eat liver and only liver for the rest of your life and live to be 90, or stand naked in Times Square for a day - sunscreen and balaclava optional?

T-90?

JSS: Heh. Missed my sub. I’m feeling a little more optimistic now.

As long as the balaclava was good, I would totally take Times Square. I really love all the flaky layers of phyllo dough. Ummm. What do you mean that’s a baklava? What were you talking about? What would I need a mask for? Then no one would even know it was me when I appeared in the Today Show. Alright forget it. I’ll take the liver.

E-8?

R: HIT! *throws tantrum*

WHAT SOUNDS GRATE YOUR TEETH!?!?!?!

E-9?!?!?!?!

JSS: Dang. How’d you guess where the last shot would go? Do you have any idea how many good men you are sending to a watery grave you should be ashamed of yourself

I’m gonna say it’s, “Help me, Dad! I can’t swim!” Especially when I’m trying to take a nap.

Man. This is nerve wracking. How about G- no wait, um, E . . . 7?

R: Hit and explosion. I have a lot of 'Dear-Ma'am-it-is-with-deepest-regrets letters to write tonight.

When and where do you write, and do you have a special garment for writing?

C..........3?

JSS: Ouch. Only one more spot on my Battleship.

Honestly I write pretty much wherever and when ever I can. In the winter I have a really cool forest green cable knit sweater that I call my writing sweater. That doesn’t work so well in the summer though. I once I actually wrote in . . . Well maybe we should just stop there.

Its looks like I’m in pretty bad shape. Fortunately you only have one space left as well. If I guess right the game’s over. But if I guess wrong. Well . . . the games over to. Let’s try B-4.

R: *goes up in a fiery inferno*

I guess that's game. Well played, J Scott Savage. May your writing continue to be as excellent as your Battleshipping. And thanks for coming out.

AND NOW BACK TO YOU THE READER!!!

Hello, reader. If you have skimmed this murderously long post in order to get to the giveaway, I don't blame you, but you have missed one hell of a duel.

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J Scott Savage has generously offered to mail a copy of Water Keep to a reader of my choice, and if I could, I WOULD CHOOSE ALL OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE ALL MY FAVORITES!

But alas, so many trees would have to die.

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INSTEAD, you have to post a comment and answer one of the questions I posed to JSS, but for yourself. Par example, if you tell me your viking name, you will get one entry. IN ADDITION! If you post about my contest on your blog and then leave a comment letting me know, you will get FIVE entries. Simple, no? The contest ends Sunday, June 29th at 11:59 pm so COMMENT AWAY!