Special Topics in Calamity Physics - Marissa Pessl

Ok, I love cayenne pepper, right? But I love it in things, and I like for there to be more things than there is cayenne pepper. In the same way, I love a good analogy/metaphor/simile, but I like them in literature, and I like there to be more literature than witty comparison. Special Topics in Calamity Physics is a little heavy on the metaphor.

Granted, the main character, Blue, is an over-read teenager who cites every third thing she says (a feature which I actually loved, and which I may use to bulk up my to-read list), but I think the constant metaphorizing is Pessl's flaw, not Blue's. Likewise, I think the frequent gimmick of referring to one's self as 'one,' which is kind of smart and funny twice but horribly fussy the rest of the time, is less a result of Blue's academic upbringing and more a symptom of Pessl's overweening desire to look clever.

Here's the thing, though: she is clever. More times than is normal, her descriptions made me stop in amazement, and not in that way that spoils the book. These were really, truly brilliant lines. Unfortunately, they were like diamonds Beadazzled™ onto a rhinestone jean jacket...that is to say, they were lost in the melee.

I'm tempted not to write my own actual review of this book, and to just send you to this point-form list, which pretty accurately describes how I feel. But that's not what I do here - generally I outline a bit of plot in the middle of all my opinionating. So Blue van Meer, over-educated daughter of the pedantic Gareth van Meer, has somehow coerced her father into spending her senior year of high school in one place, instead of caroming wildly around the country. She falls in with the bad-assed, hipsterish Bluebloods at the invitation of Hannah Schneider, a charismatic young teacher. They spend time talking about stuff, Hannah makes up a bunch of lies and generally devolves from lovely, spirited woman into total nutter, and the Bluebloods give Blue various nicknames having to do with vomit, because they don't actually like her. All of this takes about three hundred and fifty pages, even though I just did it in about fifty words. There is a suspicious death in there, though, presumably to keep you hooked. Then *gasp* Hannah is murdered (not a spoiler. You find out in Chapter One, line one that Hannah dies)! Things get really exciting for a bit, and then Blue, using only her steriodal brains, her father's library, and the Intarnets, solves the riddle.

So, en fin, it was great, but it was too much of great. As Dan Carlson says, she could have used a more aggressive editor. Angry looks were always crashing across people's faces, laughs were always fluttering out of people's mouths and flying away. It was always 'When it came to All Things Gareth, Dad wore indifference like a socialite thin as a cheese cracker forced to lunch in a football jersey' instead of just 'Dad wore indifference like a football jersey.' See, Marisha? Succinct. Edited. In the same way that I used too many similes in this review, you used too many in your book. Tone it down, and you will be the next Awesome. I mean it.

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Five caterpillars and nine caterpillars, averaging out to seven.